Been too long....time to update everyone

Hey all! I am so sorry it has been so long since I have updated. I told you all about our successful pregnancy and then just left you hanging. If you are on facebook then you have probably had more than what you have wanted to know about this process.

So we have had three ultrasounds since I posted that we are expecting. Our little "dot" is growing just like it is supposed to be growing. The first ultrasound was around 5 weeks. Honestly I couldn't see anything but a little dot which is how we got the name "dot." We then went back on August 6 when I was 5 weeks and 6 days. This time I could actually see something. It looked like two little dots hanging down from the top of my uterus. One of the dots was moving up and down pretty fast. The ultrasound technician told us that was the heartbeat. I almost cried. How amazing to see this little bitty thing inside of me with a beating heart. It is so awesome to know that even though this is so tiny, it has a heart, it is already determined if it will be a boy/girl, left/right handed, eye color, hair color, etc. AMAZING!!!! Chris and his mom were able to be there for that ultrasound which made it even more special. The last ultrasound I had was this past Tuesday (August 11). I was at 6 weeks and 4 days. "Dot" had grown a lot in just a few days. The nurse was able to record the heartbeat and it was 120 beats per minute. She said that was right on target. I got back on Thursday, August 20. I am so blessed each time that I get to see our little miracle growing.

At first we were disappointed that there was only one baby, but we know that this baby is God's gift to us. This is God's child that we are blessed enough to raise.

So far things have been pretty good. It took me a while to get a prenatal vitamin that wouldn't make me throw up all the time. I am taking Premisses. They have extra vitamin B so that it helps ease the stomach. I had to take Flinstone vitamins while in Illinois visiting and that helped. My doctor just preferred that I take these other vitamins. I am also taking Juice Plus vitamins. They are a natural way to get the amount of fruits and vegetables you need each day. I know I don't eat enough vegetables, so it won't hurt. The doctor said that it is safe and I won't get too many vitamins. Friday was my first day of true morning sickness. I was in the middle of cooking french toast and had to stop to run to the bathroom. Today, (Saturday) I had day sickness. I guess it is going to just happen whenever. I don't mind.....it is all worth it. I am still taking the estradil pills, the estrogen patch, and the progesterone shots. The shots have gotten SOOOO much better. Can't even tell anymore. Chris just warms up the oil before doing the shot, pinches the skin where he injects, and rubs the area afterwards for a few minutes. Everything else is going well. I am reading a couple books to prepare myself and getting ideas for the nursery.

The Results Are In........

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!! WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!

I took a test on Monday (day 6 after embryo transfer) with the expectation that it would be negative. I wanted to make sure the HCG had left my system. It was a negative and I was actually relieved. I decided to take another test on Wednesday (day 7 after embryo transfer) not expecting there to be a change yet. I did a lot of research that said you shouldn't see anything on a urine test until after day 9. I was in total shock when the test came back POSITIVE! I couldn't believe it. The second line was very faint, but it was there. I didn't want to jump ahead, so I didn't tell anyone. Thursday (day 8 after embryo transfer) I woke up at 5am and decided to go ahead and take another test. This one too was positive. This time, I woke Chris up to come to the bathroom and see. He wasn't too excited about being woke up at that time, but once he saw the test, he was excited. I wasn't convinced so I did another test on Friday, Sunday and Monday. They were all positive :)

Tuesday we went to the doctor for bloodwork and the official "confirmation." The nurse told us that we were testing positive. We were glad to finally hear it from the officials. On a side note, if you use Dr. Haddad or Houston IVF, you can see all your test results online each day. I could have seen that we were testing positive a lot earlier, but they forgot to tell me that. It wouldn't have helped much because there is no explanation on what the levels mean. I did some research online and then went back and looked at them so that I could understand what it meant. It is good now because I know that your HCG levels should at least double every 36-48 hours. Now, I know how to figure if they are where they should be according to the previous bloodwork. I still don't understand the progesterone and estradol, but that doesn't really matter. As long as I am getting the "everything looks great" signal from the doctor, then I feel good.

I am still a little nervous right now. I think I will be doing better after next week. We should be getting to do an ultrasound then that will allow us to see the sac (or sacs). We will know how many babies we will be having. We will also know that everything looks ok. I can't wait to hear the heartbeat too. That will all reassure me that everything is ok.

How am I feeling? Well I am having some issues with the progesterone injections right now. I have a sore rear end. I am going to try a couple more things to see if it helps ease it. I am not sleeping at night. I can't get comfortable and my rear end hurts all night. I am sleepy ALL the time. If I sit still for too long, I will go to sleep. I get queezy in the mornings if I don't eat, after I eat, and sometimes other times during the day. I haven't thrown up yet :) I have lost 6 pounds since we started this round of IVF. I don't know how that is possible seeing that all I do is lay around and eat. If this worked in all cases, I am sure we would all give up the workouts for the lazy route. Last time, I gained 20 pounds with the IUI treatments. I was able to lose 10 but the other 10 were hard to get rid of. I am glad to see this 6 go. I am sure I will gain more than that back during the next 9 months. Overall, I am feeling pretty good. I do get some cramps that feel like I would be starting my period, but I have read and heard that is very normal during this time.

Right now, I am approximately 4 weeks and 6 days along. They count your pregnancy starting with the first day of your last period. This includes ovulation, conception, and implantation. I found this interesting, but I will go with whatever I am told about this situation.

Only 4 more days!

Hey everyone! I just wanted to update you on things. We are still playing the waiting game. We will find out for sure on Tuesday, July 28th. I am soooooo excited to just finally find out and be able to move on to the next step (whichever that may be). I have had two great reports from the doctor's office. I went today for blood work. When they called the nurses exact words were, "Dr. Haddad says that everything looks great! Continue all medications like we have been doing. Come in at 7:30am on Tuesday for a confirmation." I am taking that as a GREAT sign. I am taking that as "it worked and we need to confirm with a blood pregnancy test." Guess we will see......

I have an inservice all day on Tuesday, so I will not be able to post anything on here until later that evening. I will let you all know one way or another as soon as possible.

I am feeling great. I get naseaus each morning for a little bit and then it goes away. I have been SOOOOOO tired. I take about a 2 1/2 hour nap daily. I am not sleeping great through the night, but I think that is because my mind races with the thoughts of what next.

I am trying to get things together for August to come. It is just around the corner. We will be back at work again. I am trying to decide how to get things setup and arranged in my room when I can't lift, pull, or do anything. Guess I will be asking for lots of help. Anyone not busy with their own rooms or work are more than welcome to come help me.

Continue to pray. I am feeling good about this. I had the most awesome prayer on Thursday night from a group of incredible women (and the guys too). I really felt blessed! I have so much positive hope about this. If we do get a confirmation that this is positive (as I am feeling it is), then I will let everyone know, but please continue to pray because we are not out of the clear for a while. I am still a "high risk" pregnancy until after the 4th month because of all the fertility treatments. This is the first time that I have really felt like God has taken away those negative feelings and allowed me to think completely positive. I have a good feeling. Hope to share good news with you all soon. If for some reason it is not good.....well we accept it, deal with it, decide what to do next, go through the crazy emotions of anger, disappointment, hurt, etc., and then we move on. Never give up faith!

The waiting game

So now we are playing the waiting game. If you do a google search for 2ww or two week wait IVF, you can read numerous stories about the dreadful two week wait. This is the time from the embryo transfer to the time for the blood pregnancy test. My mind wonders all over the place. I go from thinking about how to set up the nursery for a single baby and for twins. I think about names, Christmas', work schedule, birth, introducing the baby or babies to my family, my mom and dad holding their first grandchild(ren), watching Chris hold his child, etc... I then find myself thinking about what is the next step if this doesn't work. I am trying my hardest to stay positive, but that is soooooo hard to do when you have been through this so many times and always ended with "Sorry Mrs. Crowson, but the test was negative. You will need to come in and have a consultation with the doctor to discuss the next step." I hate that!!!! That is the worst thing possible in this situation. It is like someone just takes a bat and knocks you in the stomach. I am praying that this doesn't happen this time.

So I am feeling ok other than the crazy thinking games that go on in my head. I worry myself at times because I have no symptoms really. I didn't have anything other than about 40 mins of cramping on and off the one day. I didn't have spotting. I haven't really had any other pregnancy symptoms. I still have sore boobs, but that came from all the hormones pumping in my body. I have gotten naseaus a couple mornings after eating breakfast. That is also the time that I take a new pill, so I don't know which that is from. I know that I wouldn't be far enough along to really be "feeling" pregnant. I just wish I somehow knew something. You would think in a world of technology that we have these days, somehow we would be able to know sooner. Guess that is God's way of being in control. I have found it a little easier to read some stories of IVF success and failures online. It has given me hope. It is good to hear other people that truly know what I am feeling and going through. I don't think any man will every understand and woman won't completely understand unless they go through it. Trust me, I don't wish this on anyone!

I am just sitting around taking it easy like the doctor ordered. Since the embryo transfer, I still take the progesterone injections. I am also continuing taking folic acid. I now have to take an estrace pill at 9am, 2pm, and 7pm daily for the next couple weeks. I have two patches (they look like a nicotine patch) that I change every 4 days. I am not exactly sure what is in the patch. It is the least painful of everything I have taken so I am ok with it :).

I have been asked several times how I can manage to keep such faith after all of these times of failed treatments. I have been thinking about that lately as well. I know deep in my heart that God will provide us with kids. I know that God has a plan for us. Even at times when I have been sooooo disappointed and mad at God for yet another failed treatment, my heart knows that He is still with me and going to pull me through. It wasn't in His plan yet. I don't know why I have been through all of this. I feel that without the faith that I have, I have nothing to live for. What is the use of life if you don't believe in God and His plan for us? What do you have to look forward to? I need God! Without Him, I wouldn't be who and what I am. I think if anything, this situation has allowed me to "talk" or write more about my faith in God. I am not one to talk about religion or faith in front of many people, because I always feel like I don't know enough or that I might say the wrong thing. I am getting over that slowly. I am also connecting with people and talking with people that I might not have without this situation. I am learning more about myself, and Chris and I have gotten sooooo much closer throughout this whole thing. I believe that all of this was in God's plan. I don't know what this outcome will be. I can only pray that this is it. This is the time He will bless us with at least one baby to love, teach, and share with God, our family, and friends. If that is not the case this time, I am sure it will not be easy. I am sure I will need time to more or less greive. I will need time to be disappointed, mad, angry. I am sure I will even get mad at God again, but that doesn't mean I don't know His love. That is the human nature in me. That is the raw emotions of being let down once again. In the end, I will pull through it and we will go on to the next step. We will keep going on. I won't give up. If I give up, then I will always wonder what if the next time would have been the one that worked.

Wow! That was much longer than expected. Thank you for all the encouragement, support, and love that you have all given so far. Thanks for reading this as well. I will keep you all updated. More than likely I will start doing at home pregnancy tests before going to the doctor. I know all the possibilities of false negatives and false positives. I just think that if I get a negative before going to the doctor, I will take the news just a little easier. Who knows?

Bed Rest and Cramping

Today is day 2 1/2 of bed rest. My back is killing me from laying flat so much. I am ready to be able to sit up at least. I keep moving from side to side and shifting my legs around to keep the pressure off of my back. I have used the heating pad and adjusted pillows in all directions. I thought that 3 days of bedrest would be no problem. I mean who wouldn't like just laying around for 3 days? Well it is not all it is cracked up to be. I wouldn't mind if I could sit up or get up and walk around every once in a while. I have had to stay on the couch even at night. I can't sleep on my stomach and I normally do. I was scared if I went to sleep in our bed that I would end up on my stomach without even knowing it.

This morning I woke up and did my normal routine of using the bathroom, brushing my teeth, washing my face, and brushing my hair. I layed back down and Chris brought me a bowl of cereal. As I continue laying here, my stomach started having a slight cramping. It doesn't hurt, but it is noticeable and uncomfortable. It is in the upper left side of my stomach, which is where they deposited the embryos. Of course I have researched so much on the computer.....because I have nothing better to do all day :) Some of the websites say that a slight cramping is a good sign of implantation. LORD I PRAY THAT THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW! Then of course you have to see the bad ones too. Some say that it can be due to laying flat for extended times, pulling a muscle when getting up since the muscles are not being used right now, or even a possible miscarriage. GOD I PRAY THAT IS NOT WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!! I can't help but be scared. I am so used to being in control and having everythign planned out. I have done so much better at letting that go lately, but this is 100% out of my control and it is hard to just let it go. I want to trust God and give it all to Him. Just as I think that I have and feel peace that He is handeling it all, I get that feeling in my gut of all the times I have been let down before with negative pregnancy tests. This is truely the hardest thing I have ever been through. I have tried and tried to be so strong, but I am breaking. I still have two weeks to wait for the test and I am going to go insane by then. I try to play the strong role and not let on to too many people h0w I am really feeling. It is much easier to write it on here than to actually talk about it. I never thought it would be this hard. I just pray for a positive outcome as well as strength to make it through to get the news.

Transferring the Embryos

Today was the big day! We went to the hospital around 11am and started our procedure to implant the embryos. Dr. Haddad came in and talked to us about how many were ready and what plan we needed to do. He said that they fertilized all 18 embryos and that two were ready to be implanted. He would be ready to freeze 6 more later today and then another 6 would be ready to freeze tomorrow. The remaining 4 had not made it. The news kinda upset me because I wanted to do 3 and I would have loved for all of them to make it, but he said that this was still a really good thing. Not to worry! Yah right....how can I not worry.

I had taken a valuim when we arrived and it was setting in about the time we went into the procedure. Chris looked all cute in his smurf suit :) I layed on the table as if I was having a pap done. They even use the same spectum. Dr. Haddad cleaned the cervix area so that no infection would take place. He then used a catheter to route to the uterus. We got to watch everything on a ultrasound monitor. Once the catheter was in place, we saw two little bubbles go into the uterus. These were our little embryos or future Crowsons. The nurse brought us over a picture of the two embryos and printed out an ultrasound with an arrow pointing to our babies. I almost lost it during this time. At this time, I was sleep deprived and the valium had really kicked in. They moved us from the surgery room to a recovery room. I had to stay there for at least 45 minutes. I don't remember much of that. I think I slept through the majority of it.

Now I am on to my three days of bed rest. Novia and Natalie came by already today. It really helped this afternoon go by fast. It hurts my back to lay like this, but I know it will all be well worth it. I am still nervous about this, but more excited. I think I am worried about being let down again. I know now that I need to just leave it all up to God. It is all in His hands now. All I can do is pray and follow the instructions of the doctor. (and try to not go insane being stuck on this couch).

Progesterone in Oil Injections = The Devil!

Last night was my first night to do the progesterone in oil shot. Chris did the injection (the needle is a 22 gauge needle that is 1 1/2 inches long) and then left to go to his cousin's concert. I didn't think much of it because we have done all the other injections. About ten minutes after the shot, my leg was hurting, my whole butt was hurting, and I couldn't hardly sit down. I was kinda worried about this because I had never experienced this with any of the other injections. I figured it was because the oil is so thick and it was harder to push in when Chris was injecting it. I just rubbed it a bit and went on with the night. I woke up this morning and my rear was in lots of pain still. OUCH! It hurt to bend, sit, walk, everything. I googled the POI shot to make sure we did it correct and that this was an ok side effect. All the websites said the same thing. Luckily they listed some suggestions to make it a little easier.

For anyone having to go through this, some suggestions are to :
rub the syringe between your hands to warm up the oil a bit before going in
take a warm bath after doing the injection
sit on a heating pad
massage the area right after the injection and throughout the evening
do not refrigerate the meds because it will thicken the oil
call your doctor if you break out in hives


After reading these suggestions I started feeling better. Then I went down to all the possible side effects. WOW there are a lot. Now I have already had the over emotional part along with the breast tenderness and headaches. I didn't think there were much more I could have. The following are the possible side effects that you shouldn't be alarmed about:
Bloating - got it
Breast Tenderness - got it
Diarrhea - thankfully this one has been avoided so far
Dizziness- not anything major yet
Drowsiness - off and on, my sleep is all messed up
Dry Mouth- I am constantly thirsty
Fluid Retention - not noticing this but we just started
Frequent Urination - probably due to drinking so much from dry mouth
Headache - had these since day 1
Heartburn - thankfully I don't have this one either
Insomnia - I now longer have a sleep pattern
Irritability - some but not too bad. I have controlled it
Mood Swings - not too bad
Muscle Pain - my ass still hurts!!!!
Nausea - I felt like I was going to vomit throughout church this morning
Overemotional - OH YAH!!! Crybaby here
Stomach Pain or Cramping - only the day of egg retreival
Tiredness - just the opposite....I have insomnia
Vomitting - probably from the nasuea but I haven't gotten that far yet.

So these are the wonderful things I have to look forward to in the next couple weeks. My body will also start thinking it is pregnant even if this doesn't work.

Here is a video link if you would like to see what each night at my house is like.....I think I shout just a little louder than this lady.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4KSCI7xSMo

Anxiously Waiting For Implantation Time

Friday was an easy day. I woke up feeling sooooo much better. I had some spotting and cramping throught the day, but nothing like I felt right after the egg retreival. I was suprised at how good I was feeling.

I got a phone call last night about the next step. We will be putting the embryos in on Tuesday morning. I won't know until Monday sometime as to the exact time. I will have to be on complete bedrest from Tuesday through Thursday. This is going to be hard. I can only get up to go to the bathroom. I can sit up no more than two pillows under my head. I have to even eat at that angle. They told me that I could sit up at a table to eat for a VERY short time, but since we don't even have a table right now, I won't be doing that. The doctor really didn't want me to anyway. I am doing everything exactly as they tell me because I do not want to risk anything. We retreived 24 eggs and they injected each of them with the donor sperm. 18 took......that is A LOT!!!!!! I couldn't believe it when they told me how many. We thought maybe 8 or 9 would take, but 18....oh geez!

Today I start taking another pill. I am now taking an antibiotic, vitamin supplement of folic acid, and the new med. I will also start progesterone injections. I will do these injections until we take the pregnancy test. We are looking to take the test around the 28th. I will go back in for bloodwork every other day after I am off bed rest. I never imagined how complicated all of this is, but I will do whatever it takes to be able to have a little miracle of my own. I think about how amazing it is that I get this opportunity to do this. Years ago, they didn't have the research and technology that they have now to even do this process. Many people have asked why I go through this instead of just adopting. I have thought about adoption and it is an awesome thing. It is important for me to be pregnant and to carry a baby. I want to do whatever possible to go through all that first. I don't want to just give up. I might love being pregnant and wouldn't have known what that was like.....then again, I might hate it. Either way, I want to have the chance to know what it is like. For me, that is important. When we first learned that Chris had issues, he didn't understand why I didn't just jump on adoption. He said it wouldn't be his DNA anyway. No, but I had to explain the importance of going through pregnancy and how much I desired to do that. I think it brought a whole new prospective to him.

Egg Retreival (7/9/09)

Thank you all for the thoughts, prayers, emails, texts, and phone calls this morning!

I arrived at Dr. Haddad's office this morning at 6:45am full of emotions. I was nervous and excited. The nurse checked me in, got my iv started, and talked me through what the process would be like. Another nurse Suzanne was AWESOME! She explained every little detail of what would be happening today and when we put the eggs back in.

I went in and was put on a table. Next thing I really know was that I was waking up in the recovery room. I was told that to retreive the eggs, they take a needle and go in through the vaginal wall. They use ultrasound to guide them to the ovaries. They have to poke through the vaginal wall to go out to the ovary. They will then take each egg of individually. That is pretty much the easy part.

I woke up expecting to feel a lot of pain, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. I was having a hard time coming out of the anesthesia. I just wanted to go back to sleep. When I finally came to enough to talk to the nurse, she told me that they were able to take off 24 good eggs. That is a lot of eggs. For someone my age, it is typical to retreive 15 eggs or so. The lady in the room next to me (she was about 40) only had 4 eggs. I told Chris we should let her borrow some....lol. I had what felt like bad menstral cramps and my stomach was tender. I was able to eat some ice chips and get dressed.

I was told to expect pain for the next couple days. My ovaries will be swollen over the next two weeks due to all this stuff. I will also have some spotting and cramping. I am on complete bedrest today and shouldn't do much tomorrow. Saturday, I can resume very light activities. They will let me know either tomorrow or Saturday if we will be putting the eggs back in on Sunday or Tuesday. It all depends on how the embryos are developing.

I am home and doing well right now. Just feeling groggy and a little nauseus. I have pain medication and an antibiotic to take. I tried getting up to use the restroom earlier and felt as if I was going to pass out. I don't guess there will be much movement today. I definately feel much better just laying down.

Dr. Haddad just called as I am sitting here typing this blog. He informed me that the eggs look excellent. He did give me some disappointing news, but something we knew might happen. The lab was about to inject the embryos with the sperm and didn't find any living sperm from Chris. They suggested that we go ahead and just use the donor so that we are not wasting any eggs. This is something that we were pretty sure would happen, but we still had some hope that they would be able to use Chris. It sucks that our child(ren) won't be biologically Chris', but at least that is just DNA. Chris has and will be there for every step of this process, so he is still the father. He is more of a father already then many out there are technically just sperm donors.

I will update you all again tomorrow on how the healing process is going along. I will also let you all know when I find out what date we will be putting them back in. Keep praying for twins!!!!!!!

Thoughts during the day off

I was sitting here thinking today about the possible outcomes of the IVF. I like to just think that it will work and I will have this perfect little family. Reality quickly sets in and I start thinking about all the other possibilities.

There is always the possibility that this won't work. If that is the case, I honestly don't know what I will do. I know that I will definately need some time to just be angry. I know that much from all the other times of being let down and having unsuccessful attempts. I will then need all the love and support possible. Now my plan is for this NOT to happen and NOT need this.

Another possibility could be that we have a successful pregnancy, but that something happens to my baby or babies or one of them if there are multiples. I don't know what I would think about that either. I don't know how I would feel. I am sure I will be hurt and upset, but I am trusting to leave that in God's hands now. I am also leaving the number of eggs that take or split in God's hands. I love the scripture that says He never gives you more than you can handle. I will believe in this at this time. I have had to believe in that during all of our struggles with infertility. I believe that God is using this whole situation for something bigger than I know.

There is a possibility for multiples. Now I don't think I would be like Octomom. We are planning on implanting 3 at the moment. Of course, nothing is set until we see how they develop and what the doctor thinks at the time. I have 100% confidence in my doctors decisions. In the end, it is our final decision, but Dr. Haddad has been awesome so far, and I trust him. He is very detailed and gives us all possibilities. I know for sure I can handle twins. I am pretty confident with triplets as well. I have had several dreams that I had triplets, so maybe it is a sign. Quads or more scare me. I am worried about multiples because of the health risks before anything else. I know one way or another we can make it with many babies, but the health risks are very scarey both for me and the babies. I personally would love to have twins or triplets, but would be thrilled with even just one!

Today is the first day that I don't have to do any injections. This is all getting so real now. My emotions are running like crazy. This is all I can think about. I want to apologize to all my family and close friends. All you have had to listen to is me talking about babies and IVF. It has taken over my life. Most people just don't understand until you have been here. When you are told that you might not be able to have kids and that is the one desire that you have more than anything in the world, it takes over your life. I have really tried to not talk only about IVF, but it is just such a HUGE part of my life right now. If I have offended anyone or talked about it too much then please forgive me. Tell me to shut up too!!!!

I will post tomorrow after the egg retreival. I have to be on bed rest the remainder of the day, so I will have plenty of time to be online. I will also let you know the exact day that we put the eggs back in. Just a quick thought.....How awesome is it to know the exact date and time that you become pregnant. I never have to wonder what day my child(ren) were conceived. LOL. I did calculate and if all is well then I will be due on or around April 12, 2010. My aunt Lori loves this because her birthday is the 13th. More than likely if it is multiples it will be earlier than that. I like that timing though. I get time off in April and May. Might go back to work for the last week of school and then off for the summer to be mommy. How awesome is that?

IVF Dr. Appts 5 & 6 (7/6/09 and 7/7/09)

I had a routine appointment yesterday, but because we are so close the doctor wanted to see me again today. I am waiting on the bloodwork results to know the exact plan for the egg retreival. I am pretty sure when they call, they will tell me to do the HCG shot tonight and that we will retreive the eggs on Thursday.

On a good note, the headaches have gotten A LOT better. I have been able to control them somewhat and at least tolerate them. I actually forget sometimes that I have one. I didn't know how much more of the headache and blurred vision I could handle. Lately, I have been feeling naseaus at times but it goes pretty quick. Yesterday, I started having some of the signs the it was time for ovulation (which is when they do the egg retreival). I have been feeling bloated a lot and my stomach is tender. I am guessing this is because the eggs are developing. My boobs have also started being very tender.

I am getting nervous and excited about the egg retreival. I am even more anxious about putting them back in. I have had the greatest feeling the last couple days about this. I am definately keeping the positive attitude and can't wait to hear the news that I am FINALLY pregnant.....it will be one of the happiest days of my life :)

IVF Dr. Appt 4 (7/3/09)

Happy 4th of July everyone!

I went to my 4th appointment yesterday. Everything is still going as planned. I now have at least 15 eggs on each ovary that are growing and should be able to be harvested. This is awesome! We wanted at least 20 total and it seems it is working out well.

I am still having some pains in my right side and feel bloated all the time. This is still due to the overstimulation. The doctor said to eat even more protein. I thought I had upped the protein intake majorly on Wednesday, but apprently I need even more. I am trying, but it is hard to eat a lot of protein. I don't feel hungry as much and I am very cautious of gaining a lot of weight during this part of the treatment. Last time I did the fertility treatments I gained 20 pounds. I was able to get rid of 10 of that, but the other 10 is still hanging on strong :)

The eggs are looking like we will be ready to do the egg retreival soon. I go back to the doc on Monday to do a routine bloodwork and ultrasound. They will know then if we are ready to the HCG shot. That shot tells my body to release the eggs. Within 24 hours of the shot, we will go into the hospital and they will put me to sleep and take out my eggs. I am hoping to do that on Tuesday. Then I go two days of normal routine. They will put the eggs back in the third day. I have to be on bedrest after that and the two days following. We then will have to wait for two weeks to know if it works or not. That is the worst time of the whole thing. My mind thinks about it all the time and I dread the phone call. I am scared of them telling me once again that it didn't work and to come in to discuss the next plan. Right now, I have no next plan. This HAS to work!!!! Ok I am not going there right now. Right now I need to stay positive and think about the moment. Take it one step at a time. Wish me luck!

IVF Dr. Appt 3 7/1/09

This morning we had another routine ultrasound and bloodwork. Everything is going along well. The ultrasound technician had to do my ultrasound today instead of Dr. Haddad. She said that I had 13 developing eggs on one side and more than that on the other side. This is a good thing, but I need to take in more protein to keep from having overstimulation. I came home and ate some almonds and toast with peanut butter. Just going to have to monitor to make sure I am eating enough protein over the next week.

I just got a phone call from the doc's office telling me that everything is progressing on schedule. I am continuing with the 112.5 cc of Gonal RF pen along with the 12mg of Menupor. That is the shots that I mix together in the evening and inject in my stomach. I also am starting another med today. At noon everyday, I have to give myself an injection in the stomach of another premixed solution called Ganirelix Acetate. I did the first one a few minutes ago so we will see what effect it has on me.

I am feeling ok overall. I have had a major headache since last Friday when we started the injections. Each day seems a little better as my body gets used to the up and downs of the hormones. My stomach is tender from all the injections. This is the one time I am thankful for the extra weight in the gut area.....that extra fat is a lot easier to stick with a needle :). From the looks of everything we should be ready for the egg retreival around the 8th of July and then putting them back in around the 11th. Those are just approximate dates right now. We will have to wait and see what each appointment looks like up to then. I go back on Friday for another ultrasound and bloodwork. This one should tell us a lot more about where we are at on the schedule. I only have 6 injections of the new meds so I am sure we are close to egg retreival time. I am getting pretty excited. I have full faith in God that this is going to work this time. I am going to keep a positive attitude this whole time. Please keep praying that everything stays on track!

Dr. Appt #2 6/29/09

Today was another routine bloodwork and ultrasound. We had a very busy morning. My appointment was at 8am and Chris' appointment for a colonoscopy was at 9am. I went to my appointment and Dr. Haddad said that everything was coming along wonderfully. I still have about 12 eggs on each ovary and they are all growing. He shows me the monitor each time so that I can see what he is talking about. I go back on Wednesday for another bloodwork and ultrasound. This time Chris has to go as well for some bloodwork and a urine test.

Chris' colonoscopy went well too. They found that he had a small pollup that they removed and he has hemrroids (we already knew that). Thank God for more good news!

We are looking forward to the next appointment. Until then I have to continue giving myself the injections in the tummy each night. Keep making those eggs grow!

Day 3 of Hormone Injections

I want to start by saying thank you to all of you that have read this and have given comments. I definately feel blessed to have your love and support! I don't know that I could make it through with out each of you :)

Friday was my first injection day. We went to the dr's office Friday afternoon and they taught us how to mix everything. I have two injections that they are letting me mix so that I only have to poke myself one time. It takes a little time to mix everything but I like the one time poking. After the injections, I get really sleepy. I have to either go to sleep for the night or take a nap. I also get a major headache. I am guessing that most of the headache is due to the increase of hormone levels. I have totally messed up my sleeping pattern.

For the most part, life is normal other than remembering to do the injections every evening. I go back to the dr. on Monday to do bloodwork and an ultrasound. I will update then to let you know how the little ovaries are looking.

IVF Dr. Appt 1 (June 26,2009)

Today was our first ultrasound and bloodwork for the IVF procedure. The doctor said that the unterus looks good. It is still going through the shedding of the lining process, but that all looks normal. My ovaries are looking good too. I have 12 eggs on each ovary. That is a high amount, but each time I have went, mine have had higher numbers. We want the higher numbers but with good eggs. I have a positive attitude about this whole procedure. We go back to the dr. this afternoon to learn how to do the injections and to get a calendar of the scheduled visits. Monday is my next appt. for ultrasound and bloodwork. I will try to post on here at least once a day on how things are going. Thanks for all the love and support in advance!

The Background Story

Chris and I waited about a year before we decided it would be ok to start expanding our family. I went off birth control and we just waited to see what happened. We did this for almost a year when we decided that maybe we should consult a doctor to make sure nothing was wrong. I had irregular cycles from the time I was 14 and knew that something wasn't right anyway.

I first went to a fertility specialist here in Houston. He did some bloodwork and said that from what I told him and the bloodwork that it looked as if I was only ovulating every six months or so. I had no idea that you could have a period and still not ovulate, but it made sense to me after looking into it. He put me on a fertility pill for a month. Nothing happened. We did another month of the fertility pills. This time on the ultrasound, we saw a big black spot. In case you didn't know, ultrasounds usually look gray. He looked around to find that this big black spot was my left fallopian tube. The tubes are usually about as big around as a pencil. From the looks of this mine was the size of a sausage. He told me that the black coloring usually means fluid and that there might be either an infection in the tube or a blocked tube. This would require him going in through laproscopic surgery and looking around. We did that surgery on Mother's Day weekend 2006. After the surgery, he concluded that the overstimulation from the fertility drugs had caused an infection in the tube and fluid had built up. It was no big deal and that we should do antibiotics and it would be fine. So we did.

We took some time off of the fertility train to just give our emotions and my body a chance to heal. When we started again, the doctor decided that maybe we should have Chris checked out too just in case. Chris went and did his business and the results were not good. The doctor told him that he had about a 5% chance of fathering a child naturally. He has a low sperm count and the ones that are there are not very mobile. This was very hard on both of us. I know it really bothered Chris, but he tried to hide it. I was so upset and disappointed but wanted to stay strong for Chris and not let him know how let down I was. I didn't want him to feel like it was his fault. We took some more time off to try to decide what step to go to next. We wanted to weigh out the options and completely think this through. We looked into adoption and actually contacted a couple agencies. Everytime I talked to an agency, I just got this feeling in my gut that said don't do it. I finally decided to go talk to the doctor about what other options we could do.

I went back and the doctor told me about IUI (inner utero insimenation). We would have to use a donor sperm because of the issues with Chris. We talked it over and Chris was ok with doing this. My doctor doesn't do these intense procedures so he referred me to Dr. Haddad at Houston Infertility Clinic. Chris and I met with Dr. Haddad and loved him right away. He was so detailed and took the time to really explain everything about the procedure to us. So we started down the road of IUI. We started with picking out a donor. I let Chris have the full power in this one. He looked through all the profiles until he found a guy that was the closest to him. We read the guys bio, looked at a survey he filled out (his handwriting is identical to Chris'), and read all the comments from the staff about him. He found the guy he wanted! I had to inject myself with a gonoal pen (small needle) in the stomach once a day. I had to go to the dr. office every other day or so to have them check my hormone levels through bloodwork and to do an ultrasound to see how my eggs looked. We did this for about 15 days. Then when my eggs were at the point they needed to be and my hormone levels were at the right level, Chris had to give me an HCG shot. This shot tells my body to release the eggs into the uterus. The next day we went in and did the insemination. The doctor did an ultrasound so that we could watch the insemination take place. He put a cathater into the uterus and then injected the donor sperm. I had to just lay there for 20 mins. Then we had to wait two weeks. The longest two weeks of my life. For the first week, I was sure it worked. I had all the pregnancy symptoms. I had sore boobs, tired all the time, morning sickness, etc. Then the Monday before Thanksgiving they were all just gone. I knew in my heart right then that it didn't work. I didn't give up all hope, but something just wasn't right. We went in for the blood test on the day before Thanksgiving. I remember getting the call when I was parking to go into the store. The nurse told me that I was not pregnant. I couldn't move. I just started crying. I already knew but to hear the words come out of her mouth made it real. I felt like a complete failure. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I felt that I had let Chris, my parents, my family, and friends all down. I was mad at myself and at God at that time. I just wanted to be alone. The hardest part was telling Chris and my parents.

What to do next? We went for another round of IUI. We started all the fertility treatments and about half way through we did an ultrasound and the nurse had a strange look on her face. When I asked her what it was, she said she would have to wait to talk to the doctor. This scared me immediately. As soon as Dr. Haddad started looking at it, he turned the monitor towards me and I knew what it was right away. That dang tube was swollen again. Dr. Haddad sat down with us in his office and discussed options with us. He could clamp off the tube and it would just be like that for the rest of my life. We could proceed with IUI next time and hope that the right tube was not blocked too. Other option was to completely remove the tube. Since I was having pain from this tube I chose to have it completely removed. He agreed and then we would start IVF. I was ok with doing IVF but the cost scared me. We had already spent over $8000 on rounds of IUI and everything else. Now we are looking at somewhere between $13,000 and $15,000 for IVF. WOW! Chris and I talked it over and decided that if we waited to do it over the summer, we would have time to save up the money and I would be less stressed from work. We opted to do that and to have my surgery to remove the left tube at the end of January. My body would need time to heal from that anyway before doing IVF.

Life was going normal when Christmas Eve, I started having pains in my side. I knew this tube was still there and swollen (also leaking toxic fluids back into my uterus) but didn't think this pain was from that. It was on my lower abdomen and kinda to the right. Christmas Day we went over to some families and it started again after dinner. This time I kinda blamed it on overeating and maybe some gas or something. The next day I felt fine. I fell asleep on the couch that evening like normal, but woke up screaming in pain a few hours later. I couldn't move. It was 2:30am and I was in more pain than I ever experienced in my life. I couldn't sit, lay, walk. Whatever I did, the pain was unbearable. My stomach had also swollen up and looked like I was pregnant. The pain was really bad in the lower right side and I had a high fever. Chris rushed me to the hospital (thank God we only live a couple mins away). I almost passed out when we walked in so they took me back immediately. My fever was over 100 and the pain was worse. I was crying histerically by this time. I didn't know what was happening and I was scared to death. They thought it was appendicitis and started me on some morphine. The guy who put my IV in was crazy. He had me bleeding all over the place. Blood was running down my arm and making a puddle in the floor. The whole time I am doing whatever I can to try to sit down without pain. They gave me the first round of morphine and it did nothing. He gave me another round. Came in later thinking I would be knocked out....no I was still in so much pain. It was like they were giving me baby tylenol or something. Nothing worked. He gave me a third dose of morphine and demoral. Finally some relief. The pain was still there but not near as bad as it was before. They did an MRI and came back telling me there was a foreign mass but they didn't know what it was. They were admitting me to the hospital and waiting for my doctor to get there. Of course immediately I think cancer. I was so scared. What was happening to me? During this time the doctor had ordered an ultrasound before he got there. That was HORRIBLE! The pain meds were wearing off and the ultrasound was pushing and digging on everything inside that was already hurting. The lady doing the ultrasound said that all my organs were so swollen that she couldn't even tell what they were. I spent three days in the hospital on lots of morphine and antibiotics. Finally all the swelling went down and I was released New Years Eve. Apparently the fluid from the swollen tube had leaked out into my body causing everything else to get infected. At the same time, some cysts on my right ovary were bursting and causing the extra pain. I had the surgery to remove the tube in January and have felt no pain since then. Now time to plan for IVF!

Starting a blog

Hello all and welcome to my blog. I had several people tell me that I should start a blog to update, educate, and express my feelings during our journey through invitro fertilization (IVF). I was hesitant about it at first, but decided it might be a good idea. I have learned so much about infertility during our struggles over the last 4 years. I hope that this helps educate others as well. I also figure that this is a good way to keep track of what I am going through. I think it would be neat to print out some of these and add to a baby book for our child(ren).

This is just a prewarning, I am going to be detailed about some of the procedures and the emotions going on. I want to keep it as real as possible. Please if you have ANY questions, please, please, please feel free to ask me. I will also take all the prayers and encouragement that you all want to give :)