Thoughts during the day off

I was sitting here thinking today about the possible outcomes of the IVF. I like to just think that it will work and I will have this perfect little family. Reality quickly sets in and I start thinking about all the other possibilities.

There is always the possibility that this won't work. If that is the case, I honestly don't know what I will do. I know that I will definately need some time to just be angry. I know that much from all the other times of being let down and having unsuccessful attempts. I will then need all the love and support possible. Now my plan is for this NOT to happen and NOT need this.

Another possibility could be that we have a successful pregnancy, but that something happens to my baby or babies or one of them if there are multiples. I don't know what I would think about that either. I don't know how I would feel. I am sure I will be hurt and upset, but I am trusting to leave that in God's hands now. I am also leaving the number of eggs that take or split in God's hands. I love the scripture that says He never gives you more than you can handle. I will believe in this at this time. I have had to believe in that during all of our struggles with infertility. I believe that God is using this whole situation for something bigger than I know.

There is a possibility for multiples. Now I don't think I would be like Octomom. We are planning on implanting 3 at the moment. Of course, nothing is set until we see how they develop and what the doctor thinks at the time. I have 100% confidence in my doctors decisions. In the end, it is our final decision, but Dr. Haddad has been awesome so far, and I trust him. He is very detailed and gives us all possibilities. I know for sure I can handle twins. I am pretty confident with triplets as well. I have had several dreams that I had triplets, so maybe it is a sign. Quads or more scare me. I am worried about multiples because of the health risks before anything else. I know one way or another we can make it with many babies, but the health risks are very scarey both for me and the babies. I personally would love to have twins or triplets, but would be thrilled with even just one!

Today is the first day that I don't have to do any injections. This is all getting so real now. My emotions are running like crazy. This is all I can think about. I want to apologize to all my family and close friends. All you have had to listen to is me talking about babies and IVF. It has taken over my life. Most people just don't understand until you have been here. When you are told that you might not be able to have kids and that is the one desire that you have more than anything in the world, it takes over your life. I have really tried to not talk only about IVF, but it is just such a HUGE part of my life right now. If I have offended anyone or talked about it too much then please forgive me. Tell me to shut up too!!!!

I will post tomorrow after the egg retreival. I have to be on bed rest the remainder of the day, so I will have plenty of time to be online. I will also let you know the exact day that we put the eggs back in. Just a quick thought.....How awesome is it to know the exact date and time that you become pregnant. I never have to wonder what day my child(ren) were conceived. LOL. I did calculate and if all is well then I will be due on or around April 12, 2010. My aunt Lori loves this because her birthday is the 13th. More than likely if it is multiples it will be earlier than that. I like that timing though. I get time off in April and May. Might go back to work for the last week of school and then off for the summer to be mommy. How awesome is that?