Been too long....time to update everyone

Hey all! I am so sorry it has been so long since I have updated. I told you all about our successful pregnancy and then just left you hanging. If you are on facebook then you have probably had more than what you have wanted to know about this process.

So we have had three ultrasounds since I posted that we are expecting. Our little "dot" is growing just like it is supposed to be growing. The first ultrasound was around 5 weeks. Honestly I couldn't see anything but a little dot which is how we got the name "dot." We then went back on August 6 when I was 5 weeks and 6 days. This time I could actually see something. It looked like two little dots hanging down from the top of my uterus. One of the dots was moving up and down pretty fast. The ultrasound technician told us that was the heartbeat. I almost cried. How amazing to see this little bitty thing inside of me with a beating heart. It is so awesome to know that even though this is so tiny, it has a heart, it is already determined if it will be a boy/girl, left/right handed, eye color, hair color, etc. AMAZING!!!! Chris and his mom were able to be there for that ultrasound which made it even more special. The last ultrasound I had was this past Tuesday (August 11). I was at 6 weeks and 4 days. "Dot" had grown a lot in just a few days. The nurse was able to record the heartbeat and it was 120 beats per minute. She said that was right on target. I got back on Thursday, August 20. I am so blessed each time that I get to see our little miracle growing.

At first we were disappointed that there was only one baby, but we know that this baby is God's gift to us. This is God's child that we are blessed enough to raise.

So far things have been pretty good. It took me a while to get a prenatal vitamin that wouldn't make me throw up all the time. I am taking Premisses. They have extra vitamin B so that it helps ease the stomach. I had to take Flinstone vitamins while in Illinois visiting and that helped. My doctor just preferred that I take these other vitamins. I am also taking Juice Plus vitamins. They are a natural way to get the amount of fruits and vegetables you need each day. I know I don't eat enough vegetables, so it won't hurt. The doctor said that it is safe and I won't get too many vitamins. Friday was my first day of true morning sickness. I was in the middle of cooking french toast and had to stop to run to the bathroom. Today, (Saturday) I had day sickness. I guess it is going to just happen whenever. I don't mind.....it is all worth it. I am still taking the estradil pills, the estrogen patch, and the progesterone shots. The shots have gotten SOOOO much better. Can't even tell anymore. Chris just warms up the oil before doing the shot, pinches the skin where he injects, and rubs the area afterwards for a few minutes. Everything else is going well. I am reading a couple books to prepare myself and getting ideas for the nursery.

The Results Are In........

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!! WOOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!

I took a test on Monday (day 6 after embryo transfer) with the expectation that it would be negative. I wanted to make sure the HCG had left my system. It was a negative and I was actually relieved. I decided to take another test on Wednesday (day 7 after embryo transfer) not expecting there to be a change yet. I did a lot of research that said you shouldn't see anything on a urine test until after day 9. I was in total shock when the test came back POSITIVE! I couldn't believe it. The second line was very faint, but it was there. I didn't want to jump ahead, so I didn't tell anyone. Thursday (day 8 after embryo transfer) I woke up at 5am and decided to go ahead and take another test. This one too was positive. This time, I woke Chris up to come to the bathroom and see. He wasn't too excited about being woke up at that time, but once he saw the test, he was excited. I wasn't convinced so I did another test on Friday, Sunday and Monday. They were all positive :)

Tuesday we went to the doctor for bloodwork and the official "confirmation." The nurse told us that we were testing positive. We were glad to finally hear it from the officials. On a side note, if you use Dr. Haddad or Houston IVF, you can see all your test results online each day. I could have seen that we were testing positive a lot earlier, but they forgot to tell me that. It wouldn't have helped much because there is no explanation on what the levels mean. I did some research online and then went back and looked at them so that I could understand what it meant. It is good now because I know that your HCG levels should at least double every 36-48 hours. Now, I know how to figure if they are where they should be according to the previous bloodwork. I still don't understand the progesterone and estradol, but that doesn't really matter. As long as I am getting the "everything looks great" signal from the doctor, then I feel good.

I am still a little nervous right now. I think I will be doing better after next week. We should be getting to do an ultrasound then that will allow us to see the sac (or sacs). We will know how many babies we will be having. We will also know that everything looks ok. I can't wait to hear the heartbeat too. That will all reassure me that everything is ok.

How am I feeling? Well I am having some issues with the progesterone injections right now. I have a sore rear end. I am going to try a couple more things to see if it helps ease it. I am not sleeping at night. I can't get comfortable and my rear end hurts all night. I am sleepy ALL the time. If I sit still for too long, I will go to sleep. I get queezy in the mornings if I don't eat, after I eat, and sometimes other times during the day. I haven't thrown up yet :) I have lost 6 pounds since we started this round of IVF. I don't know how that is possible seeing that all I do is lay around and eat. If this worked in all cases, I am sure we would all give up the workouts for the lazy route. Last time, I gained 20 pounds with the IUI treatments. I was able to lose 10 but the other 10 were hard to get rid of. I am glad to see this 6 go. I am sure I will gain more than that back during the next 9 months. Overall, I am feeling pretty good. I do get some cramps that feel like I would be starting my period, but I have read and heard that is very normal during this time.

Right now, I am approximately 4 weeks and 6 days along. They count your pregnancy starting with the first day of your last period. This includes ovulation, conception, and implantation. I found this interesting, but I will go with whatever I am told about this situation.

Only 4 more days!

Hey everyone! I just wanted to update you on things. We are still playing the waiting game. We will find out for sure on Tuesday, July 28th. I am soooooo excited to just finally find out and be able to move on to the next step (whichever that may be). I have had two great reports from the doctor's office. I went today for blood work. When they called the nurses exact words were, "Dr. Haddad says that everything looks great! Continue all medications like we have been doing. Come in at 7:30am on Tuesday for a confirmation." I am taking that as a GREAT sign. I am taking that as "it worked and we need to confirm with a blood pregnancy test." Guess we will see......

I have an inservice all day on Tuesday, so I will not be able to post anything on here until later that evening. I will let you all know one way or another as soon as possible.

I am feeling great. I get naseaus each morning for a little bit and then it goes away. I have been SOOOOOO tired. I take about a 2 1/2 hour nap daily. I am not sleeping great through the night, but I think that is because my mind races with the thoughts of what next.

I am trying to get things together for August to come. It is just around the corner. We will be back at work again. I am trying to decide how to get things setup and arranged in my room when I can't lift, pull, or do anything. Guess I will be asking for lots of help. Anyone not busy with their own rooms or work are more than welcome to come help me.

Continue to pray. I am feeling good about this. I had the most awesome prayer on Thursday night from a group of incredible women (and the guys too). I really felt blessed! I have so much positive hope about this. If we do get a confirmation that this is positive (as I am feeling it is), then I will let everyone know, but please continue to pray because we are not out of the clear for a while. I am still a "high risk" pregnancy until after the 4th month because of all the fertility treatments. This is the first time that I have really felt like God has taken away those negative feelings and allowed me to think completely positive. I have a good feeling. Hope to share good news with you all soon. If for some reason it is not good.....well we accept it, deal with it, decide what to do next, go through the crazy emotions of anger, disappointment, hurt, etc., and then we move on. Never give up faith!

The waiting game

So now we are playing the waiting game. If you do a google search for 2ww or two week wait IVF, you can read numerous stories about the dreadful two week wait. This is the time from the embryo transfer to the time for the blood pregnancy test. My mind wonders all over the place. I go from thinking about how to set up the nursery for a single baby and for twins. I think about names, Christmas', work schedule, birth, introducing the baby or babies to my family, my mom and dad holding their first grandchild(ren), watching Chris hold his child, etc... I then find myself thinking about what is the next step if this doesn't work. I am trying my hardest to stay positive, but that is soooooo hard to do when you have been through this so many times and always ended with "Sorry Mrs. Crowson, but the test was negative. You will need to come in and have a consultation with the doctor to discuss the next step." I hate that!!!! That is the worst thing possible in this situation. It is like someone just takes a bat and knocks you in the stomach. I am praying that this doesn't happen this time.

So I am feeling ok other than the crazy thinking games that go on in my head. I worry myself at times because I have no symptoms really. I didn't have anything other than about 40 mins of cramping on and off the one day. I didn't have spotting. I haven't really had any other pregnancy symptoms. I still have sore boobs, but that came from all the hormones pumping in my body. I have gotten naseaus a couple mornings after eating breakfast. That is also the time that I take a new pill, so I don't know which that is from. I know that I wouldn't be far enough along to really be "feeling" pregnant. I just wish I somehow knew something. You would think in a world of technology that we have these days, somehow we would be able to know sooner. Guess that is God's way of being in control. I have found it a little easier to read some stories of IVF success and failures online. It has given me hope. It is good to hear other people that truly know what I am feeling and going through. I don't think any man will every understand and woman won't completely understand unless they go through it. Trust me, I don't wish this on anyone!

I am just sitting around taking it easy like the doctor ordered. Since the embryo transfer, I still take the progesterone injections. I am also continuing taking folic acid. I now have to take an estrace pill at 9am, 2pm, and 7pm daily for the next couple weeks. I have two patches (they look like a nicotine patch) that I change every 4 days. I am not exactly sure what is in the patch. It is the least painful of everything I have taken so I am ok with it :).

I have been asked several times how I can manage to keep such faith after all of these times of failed treatments. I have been thinking about that lately as well. I know deep in my heart that God will provide us with kids. I know that God has a plan for us. Even at times when I have been sooooo disappointed and mad at God for yet another failed treatment, my heart knows that He is still with me and going to pull me through. It wasn't in His plan yet. I don't know why I have been through all of this. I feel that without the faith that I have, I have nothing to live for. What is the use of life if you don't believe in God and His plan for us? What do you have to look forward to? I need God! Without Him, I wouldn't be who and what I am. I think if anything, this situation has allowed me to "talk" or write more about my faith in God. I am not one to talk about religion or faith in front of many people, because I always feel like I don't know enough or that I might say the wrong thing. I am getting over that slowly. I am also connecting with people and talking with people that I might not have without this situation. I am learning more about myself, and Chris and I have gotten sooooo much closer throughout this whole thing. I believe that all of this was in God's plan. I don't know what this outcome will be. I can only pray that this is it. This is the time He will bless us with at least one baby to love, teach, and share with God, our family, and friends. If that is not the case this time, I am sure it will not be easy. I am sure I will need time to more or less greive. I will need time to be disappointed, mad, angry. I am sure I will even get mad at God again, but that doesn't mean I don't know His love. That is the human nature in me. That is the raw emotions of being let down once again. In the end, I will pull through it and we will go on to the next step. We will keep going on. I won't give up. If I give up, then I will always wonder what if the next time would have been the one that worked.

Wow! That was much longer than expected. Thank you for all the encouragement, support, and love that you have all given so far. Thanks for reading this as well. I will keep you all updated. More than likely I will start doing at home pregnancy tests before going to the doctor. I know all the possibilities of false negatives and false positives. I just think that if I get a negative before going to the doctor, I will take the news just a little easier. Who knows?

Bed Rest and Cramping

Today is day 2 1/2 of bed rest. My back is killing me from laying flat so much. I am ready to be able to sit up at least. I keep moving from side to side and shifting my legs around to keep the pressure off of my back. I have used the heating pad and adjusted pillows in all directions. I thought that 3 days of bedrest would be no problem. I mean who wouldn't like just laying around for 3 days? Well it is not all it is cracked up to be. I wouldn't mind if I could sit up or get up and walk around every once in a while. I have had to stay on the couch even at night. I can't sleep on my stomach and I normally do. I was scared if I went to sleep in our bed that I would end up on my stomach without even knowing it.

This morning I woke up and did my normal routine of using the bathroom, brushing my teeth, washing my face, and brushing my hair. I layed back down and Chris brought me a bowl of cereal. As I continue laying here, my stomach started having a slight cramping. It doesn't hurt, but it is noticeable and uncomfortable. It is in the upper left side of my stomach, which is where they deposited the embryos. Of course I have researched so much on the computer.....because I have nothing better to do all day :) Some of the websites say that a slight cramping is a good sign of implantation. LORD I PRAY THAT THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW! Then of course you have to see the bad ones too. Some say that it can be due to laying flat for extended times, pulling a muscle when getting up since the muscles are not being used right now, or even a possible miscarriage. GOD I PRAY THAT IS NOT WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!! I can't help but be scared. I am so used to being in control and having everythign planned out. I have done so much better at letting that go lately, but this is 100% out of my control and it is hard to just let it go. I want to trust God and give it all to Him. Just as I think that I have and feel peace that He is handeling it all, I get that feeling in my gut of all the times I have been let down before with negative pregnancy tests. This is truely the hardest thing I have ever been through. I have tried and tried to be so strong, but I am breaking. I still have two weeks to wait for the test and I am going to go insane by then. I try to play the strong role and not let on to too many people h0w I am really feeling. It is much easier to write it on here than to actually talk about it. I never thought it would be this hard. I just pray for a positive outcome as well as strength to make it through to get the news.

Transferring the Embryos

Today was the big day! We went to the hospital around 11am and started our procedure to implant the embryos. Dr. Haddad came in and talked to us about how many were ready and what plan we needed to do. He said that they fertilized all 18 embryos and that two were ready to be implanted. He would be ready to freeze 6 more later today and then another 6 would be ready to freeze tomorrow. The remaining 4 had not made it. The news kinda upset me because I wanted to do 3 and I would have loved for all of them to make it, but he said that this was still a really good thing. Not to worry! Yah right....how can I not worry.

I had taken a valuim when we arrived and it was setting in about the time we went into the procedure. Chris looked all cute in his smurf suit :) I layed on the table as if I was having a pap done. They even use the same spectum. Dr. Haddad cleaned the cervix area so that no infection would take place. He then used a catheter to route to the uterus. We got to watch everything on a ultrasound monitor. Once the catheter was in place, we saw two little bubbles go into the uterus. These were our little embryos or future Crowsons. The nurse brought us over a picture of the two embryos and printed out an ultrasound with an arrow pointing to our babies. I almost lost it during this time. At this time, I was sleep deprived and the valium had really kicked in. They moved us from the surgery room to a recovery room. I had to stay there for at least 45 minutes. I don't remember much of that. I think I slept through the majority of it.

Now I am on to my three days of bed rest. Novia and Natalie came by already today. It really helped this afternoon go by fast. It hurts my back to lay like this, but I know it will all be well worth it. I am still nervous about this, but more excited. I think I am worried about being let down again. I know now that I need to just leave it all up to God. It is all in His hands now. All I can do is pray and follow the instructions of the doctor. (and try to not go insane being stuck on this couch).

Progesterone in Oil Injections = The Devil!

Last night was my first night to do the progesterone in oil shot. Chris did the injection (the needle is a 22 gauge needle that is 1 1/2 inches long) and then left to go to his cousin's concert. I didn't think much of it because we have done all the other injections. About ten minutes after the shot, my leg was hurting, my whole butt was hurting, and I couldn't hardly sit down. I was kinda worried about this because I had never experienced this with any of the other injections. I figured it was because the oil is so thick and it was harder to push in when Chris was injecting it. I just rubbed it a bit and went on with the night. I woke up this morning and my rear was in lots of pain still. OUCH! It hurt to bend, sit, walk, everything. I googled the POI shot to make sure we did it correct and that this was an ok side effect. All the websites said the same thing. Luckily they listed some suggestions to make it a little easier.

For anyone having to go through this, some suggestions are to :
rub the syringe between your hands to warm up the oil a bit before going in
take a warm bath after doing the injection
sit on a heating pad
massage the area right after the injection and throughout the evening
do not refrigerate the meds because it will thicken the oil
call your doctor if you break out in hives


After reading these suggestions I started feeling better. Then I went down to all the possible side effects. WOW there are a lot. Now I have already had the over emotional part along with the breast tenderness and headaches. I didn't think there were much more I could have. The following are the possible side effects that you shouldn't be alarmed about:
Bloating - got it
Breast Tenderness - got it
Diarrhea - thankfully this one has been avoided so far
Dizziness- not anything major yet
Drowsiness - off and on, my sleep is all messed up
Dry Mouth- I am constantly thirsty
Fluid Retention - not noticing this but we just started
Frequent Urination - probably due to drinking so much from dry mouth
Headache - had these since day 1
Heartburn - thankfully I don't have this one either
Insomnia - I now longer have a sleep pattern
Irritability - some but not too bad. I have controlled it
Mood Swings - not too bad
Muscle Pain - my ass still hurts!!!!
Nausea - I felt like I was going to vomit throughout church this morning
Overemotional - OH YAH!!! Crybaby here
Stomach Pain or Cramping - only the day of egg retreival
Tiredness - just the opposite....I have insomnia
Vomitting - probably from the nasuea but I haven't gotten that far yet.

So these are the wonderful things I have to look forward to in the next couple weeks. My body will also start thinking it is pregnant even if this doesn't work.

Here is a video link if you would like to see what each night at my house is like.....I think I shout just a little louder than this lady.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4KSCI7xSMo